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I would be amazed . . . [29 Oct 2007|12:06am]

thestonkmeister
I don't know what it was that made the urchins come to mind as i walked down Rue de Pasteur on my way from Mar's place back to my neighborhood today, but i suddenly wondered if anyone remembered that this community exists.  And i wondered what would happen if i posted here.  Would anyone ever stumble upon it?  Then i wondered if there was any chance that something new had been posted since last i thought to check out the urchins. 

So here i am.  I remembered to check it out when i finally got home and was not surprised to find nothing.  But i was surprised to go back through and see what remains from what seems now to be ages ago.  And it made me smile a lot and it also made me sad.  And then i reread the profile with the Poe quote that Drew put it and it seems so right.

Anyway, i'm not actually saying anything and should be going to bed.  I just . . . i don't know.  It feels like screaming into a dark cave that is just going to swallow my voice up.
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keeping it alive . . . [12 Jan 2005|11:49am]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | nostalgic ]

So i had the stupid idea of going back to read old lj entries and of course got sucked into doing it for far too long. But, it was really nice and i thought that i should share the following entry on the community because we haven't been keeping it going so well and this made me smile so i thought it'd make you smile too:

(this is from may 7th or so)
last night the four of us gathered. that's right, the four of us. it's been the four of us for so long now. anyway, we gathered to watched the final episode of friends. ironic, symbolic that we would be watching that together, five days before drew leaves and i say goodbye to her for, well, quite possibly a year, an entire year. monica and chandler moved to upstate new york. tucker is saying goodbye to clark and she herself is moving back to upstate new york. rachel was supposed to move to france. ross stopped her, but that was the plan. i myself am moving to france. three months, i'm moving in three months. i don't really have a ross to stop me though. perhaps irena or drew could try. drew sat in front of me last night while i showed her a slide show i made last year of all of my last year pictures. it was over and she said it just hit her that she doesn't want me to go. she lay back on me, reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. i, in turn, wrapped my arms around her and we sat there holding on to the moment and holding on to each other knowing that we can't hold on forever. and even if i did have a ross to run after me, even if irena or drew played the ross to my rachel i couldn't stay. my fake leaving was last year and this year it's for real. it's for me. i have to do this. and i'll be back, i'm being so melodramatic. it's just that things always fall into place right before they end.



Oh! And in other news i tried on the entire ensemble that you guys gave me for xmas the other night (ok the entire ensemble minus the thong - i'm just not a thong kind of a girl i guess, but i did find that i have a pair of black mesh and lacy panties that go very very well) and you guys are fucking amazing because it fit like a glove! Any time i go and try that kind of thing on, it's always unflattering or doesn't fit quite right here or there, but you guys go out without me, pick something out, guess the size and it's perfect. Thanks guys! I'll be sure to let you know when it comes in handy ; ) Oh then that night i had a dream that i was getting married and you guys gave me three pairs of ugly pastel heels (pink, green and blue) to chose from for the wedding and then surprised me with a black wedding gown. I asked why black and you said that it reminded you of my prom dress so you thought it'd look good and i'd like it. Then i tried it on and it did look quite flattering and i did like it. Eventually it turned into a white gown, but ya know. It was fun having all three of you in my dream - i miss you guys!

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awww [16 Oct 2004|11:24pm]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | content ]

i just thought it important to record in here the fact that on october 16, 2004 at 11:24 france time/ 5:24 EST all four urchins are online at the same time.

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i am living in the past . . . [27 Sep 2004|10:11pm]

thestonkmeister
when the present has little to offer the paste becomes a well of wonder. the following was written september 11, 2003. sound familiar?

"last night was a full moon. it was the full moon. it was the harvest moon, and since i've spent the majority of the week buried, completely and utterly buried in work, i thought it'd be a really nice thing if tucker, rena, drew, jen and i all could hang out, just the five of us, and go star gazing or something. so they all agreed, and when rena got out of work, we went to find a good spot to watch the moon. i thought that since the holden st church is right by a lake, we might be able to find some place neat around there. we parked across the st from the church, and tried to walk through some woods down to the lake, but we all freaked each other out and decided not to. i suggested that we go across the st. because there is a school next to the church and i thought it might have a playground. ohhh man, and what a playground it was. it was totally new, and had a million swings, two tower type things, the most incredible slide EVER, and it had the cool ground thing that looks like asphault but is really kind of rubbery. it was great, and so we swung, and looked at the moon, ran around, went on the slide, tried out every aspect of the playground. then we sat around and talked for quite some time. it was so nice, sooo nice. god those girls are so wonderful (better than umass even = ) jen had some really amazing, awful, entertaining, hilarious, completely horrible stories about her first room mate, jess, last year, and then rachel. incredible. finally we got cold and decided to try to go to Ihop because rena was hungry. it was a bit of a drive, and as it turns out it was closed. i was pretty exhausted so i told them that i didn't feel like driving anywhere else, which was fine with them. we got back, i headed up here, did a few computer things, went to bed, then there was a knock on the door because rena didn't feel like making the trip back to the quiet house, so she slept in my spare bed (which i had made the other night in case she needed to stay over). it's nice when she stays over, but it's hard because we end up talking way too much and not getting enough sleep. tonight is the night of sleep though. i have to study for chinese a bit, but that's all i'm doing work wise. i know i have more that i need to do, but that's what the weekend and friday night is for anyway. *sigh*"
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I got a full tank of unleaded... [22 Jul 2004|04:32pm]

swtytoothdmdmen
so uhh....guys, guess who drove a whopping total of eighty miles yesterday, hitting speeds like 75 mph? uh...and also guess who rode her walmart bike from pahaska tepee to cody wyoming, all fifty miles of it this very morning?

i'll give you a hint, the answer is pretty much the same person. that's right your beloved irena. my friend and I who made the ride, sat in front of walmart for about a whole half hour gorging a fruit, and made strangers take pictures of us gorging on mangoes, cherries, and grapes.

the moment was so gorgeously hot, it had to start raining.

the end.
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a perfect memory [06 Jun 2004|01:59am]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | thankful ]

well mes filles, y'all will be down right jealous to hear that i done spoke with ms. becky tucker this fine evening. um, yeah, the whole southern accent thing - it's because of the book i'm reading. i kind of love it, haha. it's so homey and comfy and suga sweet. anyway i was tellin' ms. tucka about a walk i took today and a memory that crept into my mind. you see i've been doing a lot of remembering these days when all i have to do is walk and think and read and write and avoid the horror that is my bedroom. i've been thinkin a lot about this past semester specifically and i thought of a memory that had escaped our "best and worst" session at the farewell dinner, so though i told ms. becky on the phone this fine evening, i thought i'd share it with the rest of y'all now (by the way, i used to say "y'all" back in high school but everyone used to yell at me and make fun of me for it):

after a day spent "studying" in the corner room in tilton hall, and by studying i do mean hanging out with mar by her academic spree day project, playing cards, occationally trying to sift through about 60 or something ridiculous "focus questions" she and i retired to my room to try to either nap or study there for a bit. it slowly crept up on me and quickly hit me like a ton of bricks that i, becky michael, had blown off studying for my final exam. like woah. like way wicked woah. i had not done my usual several nights in advance preparation, nor had i even been able to focus or study much that day. so as mar sat at my computer, i sat on my bed with pages, and i mean PAGES spread out around me and slowly sunk into depression/insanity/hysteria/deliria/zombie mode. i hanging out on that very fine line between tears and hysterical laughter when i received a phone call from someone. or maybe i called them. i can't even remember, that's how far gone i was, but i would assume the call was made to me because i was too far gone to have had the ability to call anyone. in any case, i ended up on the phone, but rather unresponsive, rather stressed out, rather overwhelmed and pessiismistic. i think there may have been another phone call and some urges to go to dinner, to come down and study with others, and finally the suggestion that they come up to me. i didn't really care what happened for i was convinced that my demise was imminent. so there was a knock at the door and it opened and in burst the urchins in full force, all stressed out but a bit taken aback by the fact that i had basically fallen to pieces. in fact, i am pretty sure that i lay among my papers, if not on top of them, body limp, mind numb. ah but the caring, the concern, the reassurance, the love, the laughter at the fact that the unthinkable had happened - i was unprepared (or at least by my standards) for a final and was falling to pieces because of it. someone, believe, even wondered aloud or confessed later to wondering if i had been drugged or was drunk i was so out of character. a laughable thought, but then again the entire situation really was when you think about it. and of course somehow i was convinced to go to dinner and everything worked out in the end. i suppose i love this memory, that it goes down for me as one of the greats, because it reminds me that my friends are my friends through thick and thin and in the thick of it, they'll be there to pick me up and feed me and snap me out of insanity and remind me of who i am and that that person can rise above, well, herself even. yes, that is one memory that i will charish and laugh about for years to come. i love and miss you guys. i have been lucky enough to have spoken with each of you this week and my heart feels full. and empty. and so much more.

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tired of drinking alone [02 Jun 2004|12:00pm]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | nostalgic ]

so i just got up about a half hour ago, because i'm not working yet and i can do that. i made my way down to the kitchen and started getting some breakfast/lunch. i turned on the radio just in time to hear "they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone" and i got this image of us in my car driving to or from northampton blasting the noho ho ho and a bottle of rum mix, singing along with billy joel and laughing and i got teary eyed standing there in my kitchen eating my soup. and then i started thinking about that mix and driving around and spending time together. and the other night i was rereading lj entries or something that mentioned having to go to dinner at 5 and i started to think about how i miss going to the cafeteria together and i just wanted to make a little note in here about how i miss you guys = ) i'm also reading "the divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood" and it's partially about this group of four women who were life long friends and though we haven't known each other since childhood or anything, i like to think about us while reading it. ok that's all = )

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entiries [01 Jun 2004|06:52pm]

bangbangmsbubba
i made two new entiried but posted them in my livejournal because i felt that the ferret icon was SO nessecary and he does not show in this journal. so "weasel" your way on over.
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they gave me sticks and rocks and stars and all that I could hold [01 Jun 2004|12:11pm]

swtytoothdmdmen
I have things to say. I have finally broken through the melancholy and the missing of everyone and everything and I do miss everyone and everything but I have a bike now, one that i've not yet ridden, and I have friends that I'm going to really like more and more. and my archnemesis shirene, is not so bad. we've been getting along just fine. and there's a boy who I find absolutely fascinating and gorgeous, but really that's not what this is about. but golly, he is a beautiful specimen of a male and I think you guys deserve to see him so I shall send you pictures via mail soon. really soon. I will also call everybody soon but I need your phone number drewbix, there's so much to say and I'm using Heather's computer in town before my shift at work with the cute boy so I can't say much for long. so drew call me at 307 527 7919 or 1979, but call me or mail me your phone number. i should have it permanently. and I miss you all and have so much to tell you. and the world is soooooooooo beautiful from this angle. It breaks my heart to think of leaving the natural grandness of it all. it breaks my heart even harder to think you guys really aren't going to come see me here, and see the context of -what i think is rapidly becoming- something truly amazing. but i'll send lots of pictures and I promise more letters. I am working out those things as we speak. I love you and miss you all from wyoming so much, but also want you to know that I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm actually a lot better than fine. I guess I wnated to let myself know that too, because I was very worried there for a minute. also, my hair will tonight be dyed a gorgeous red that should change my life permanently. or something a little less dramatic. last night I wrote a poem about being a waitress, and let me tell you that is untapped territory.

oh and they really have given me sticks, and rocks, and stars and all that I can hold out here. and i'm drowning in beauty that cannot but overflow.

much love from the west
the one and only
-irena
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sad news for the urchins [26 May 2004|11:17pm]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | mourning the loss of the mugs ]

so in the last few weeks of school i lost all but one of my friendship mugs. how utterly depressing is that? seriously! i mean, for the obvious reason it's depressing - four friends, four mugs, the whole story that came with the tea set about drinking out of those mugs and being life long friends. the other, not so obvious, sad part is that the set was given to me by my grandmother when she was moving last summer. i know i complain about her a lot and everything, but it was still sort of nice to have it. i had planned on being really careful with it and handing it down to my kids or something lame and cheesey like that. oi what have i done! i bet i upset the gods or something...sigh.

oh, and i started reading 'the divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood' today while june lan was napping. i like it so far. there were four of them. there are four of us. coincidence? i think not! muwhahahahahaha.

lots of love
looney violet

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an assignment... [23 May 2004|11:21pm]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | creative ]

your mission should you chose to accept it (and you damned well better chose biotches)...

i started writing a story the other night about where we will all be in fifteen years. i told rena about it when she called and suggested that we each write our own versions of us in fifteen years. then we can each read each others and laugh at them. mine is like way WAY over the top ridiculous. i've mostly developed where i am and still need to think a lot about where i think you guys will be, so it'll be mostly me focused (it's from my perspective). that's cool though because they'll each probably be a bit like that (or not) and it'll be neat to see what we all come up with. so that's it! good luck!

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ahahahahaha [19 May 2004|11:29pm]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | amused ]

the tortures of being stuck alone in worcester...

so i've been reading old conversations i've had on aim recently and i've stumbled across a few things that are just too great not to share. for example in one coversation i was away and so when eliz imed me she got my away message as a response saying "operation big gulp" and i had no CLUE what it meant other than it was something really funny that we did. and then it hit me this morning while getting coffee on my way to boston...i like my coffee like i like my whoopi, strong and black, i'd like to take a big gulp of whoopi, big gulp BIG GULP OPERATION BIG GULP. that was a bust. and then tonight's precious gem that seriously made me laugh out loud and my heart smile a thousand times over....

uustonk (12:56:41 AM): brb i have to go drop a piece of string out the window so that drew can tie a bucket to it to send me up some yarn

i read that, laughed really hard and thought to myself "THAT is why i love me and my friends. THAT is why we are good happy people, because we can do shit like that and it's so simple and childlike but it's fucking FUN and we know how to have fun"

i love you guys.

and i bet you don't even read this!

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goodbye east coast [18 May 2004|11:31pm]

swtytoothdmdmen
I leave for wyoming tomorrow. Part of me is screaming out "oh my god, what have you done?" and the other part is leaping out of its skin with excitement/anticipation. the worst part is the before, always. Once I'm there, even if the worst experience of my life I can handle it. but the not knowing, the having to wonder, expect, romantisize...man that is a bitch! and further -and you'll agree to this drew- the flying will be well i don't know how it'll be but I'm this close to asking my siste to prescribe me some sort of relaxant, valium perhaps? just to get through it. but by this time tomorrow, I will be in cody wyoming, or rather 50 miles outside of cody wyoming. gah. words will not do anymore. hope all is well with you guys, I just needed an old fashioned rant, and what better place than our wonderful community? oooh p.s. last chance to call my cell phone and wish me luck (hint hint hint) for I shan't b able to use it once I'm there. either that or i'll call everyone one last time. maybe. :) adios everyone.
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[16 May 2004|11:32pm]

thestonkmeister
[ mood | nostalgic ]

chere mes filles, nihao wo de nuer, to my dearest girls,

so here's my first real post in our community. it seems to be a little dead right now, so i figured that i'd liven things up a bit. i don't know that i have a ton to say, but then again i always seem to end up saying a lot anyway.

home is good. strange but good. and right now i'm home. i dropped rena off in hartford yesterday. i'm heading back to worcester at some point tomorrow. i was kind of totally dreading it because none of you will be there but now it looks like it won't be so bad. i've talked a little bit with lauren (irena's lauren) online and she seems interested in hanging out, which would be nice in two ways - 1. i won't feel completely alone and depressed by it; 2. she seems like a sweet, fun person to hang out with. and of course i have babysitting, and then it looks like wednesday i am most likely heading into boston to get my student visa taken care of. hopefully rena, you and i will be able to meet up, we'll just have to work it out. thursday will be dead unless loree decides to hire me for an extra day (which would be good for both of us i think). and jesy (from friendly's, the one who went to the march) told me that i should call her sometime and we could hang out and watch movies. so yeah, i think i'll be ok to be there this week even though i was kind of totally totally dreading it. and then coming home for good. it's so fucking strange. there won't be many people around to hang out with this summer, and my brother won't be home until early july. and stinko won't be here at all. so i guess i can either dread the loneliness that will be this summer or look at it as a great opportunity to do stuff for myself. i'm tending towards the latter, making a list of books (feel free to suggest things!), planning on playing the piano, doing volunteer work and lord knows what else. it's just this transitional period, they always get me.

i'm kind of tired and not able to think, oh and DREW JUST IMED ME! i got to talk to tucker today too! wow what a day! aww i was totally about to write the whole sad "i miss you guys" mushy part of the entrace but was kind of feeling too tired to be emotional but now i'm all teary eyed because aw fuck it y'all know why. but still, i'm not ready to write my real messages to you. plus i have to talk to drew. they will come though, i promise you that much. so uhh, yeah i miss you and let's get this community hopping biatches!

this is michael signing off...over and out.

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i hope you enjoy poor grammer and spelling errors. [13 May 2004|01:45am]

bangbangmsbubba
[ mood | awake ]

Ok. So I am reading everyone else's posts and I am not quite sure what to say. It is all very sad and beautiful. I wish we were like an episode of a TGIF sitcom. Whenever one character leaves for vaction, the others ultimatly show up on the hotel room doorstep. I keep expecting to see you guys walk up to me on the street and apologize for having been so busy. Things ended well I thought. It does suck that almost all of us had work until the last minute. The ideal night would have been the four of us cuddled up in bed together, arms and legs intertwined, watching lilo and sticth and having a good cry as the poor little guy waits for his "fam-a-lee". He did find one in the end , even though it was small and broken. Much like our friendship now is.(boohoo and hahaha). I think at the moment I am really trying not to let myself reflect on things. I am scared of this summer and the impending lonelyness/uneventfulness that seems to be the pattern for a drewsummer. It is just too much to handle. I feel like I am in a waking dream. It all happened so fast at the end that I really cannot believe that it is actually summer. Becky T, I'm sorry that we didn't get to have one last drive and I'm sorry that we did not get to spend our last night of madness together. I am sorry for inflicting extra madness onto Becky M and Irena and thank you both for handling it so well. I am pretending that you are not leaving and will continue to do so until the day I die. Irena, don't even joke about not coming back next year. seriously. if you don't i will kill russel because i know it will be so much more painful than if i were to harm you. it will be me at my most masocistic but that is what you drive me to baby. also your constant eating of seafood salad is starting to worry me. other edibles to exist, you know. i hear that chicken is pretty tasty. am i forgeting anyone? no, i guess not. just kidding, becky m!!!!! you can dry your tears. i could never forget that beatiful small chinned face. you are only leaving for a year. one little insignfigant year. then it will be you, me, irena, and the sweet chihuahua god ever created living it up in our own little flat. oh the fun will we have. i feel like i didn't really get to say goodbye to you. everyone else was there until the last possible second while you were slaving away. i really don't even know what to say. we should have had on more go at pricechopper. we should have brought chinese snack mix and used your big y coins on cakes and nuts. i wish i could have been on the beach trip. i wish tucker could have been too. i am wishing a lot of things right now.

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dear tuck, [12 May 2004|11:21pm]

swtytoothdmdmen
I wanted to respond to your entry, but I didn't want to post. I wanted to write an entry about it. because, ironically enough, I wrote drew a letter describing last night (see below) and it was you who left, and I think part of it was because I was not ready to speak to you as gone yet. because the way you left was incredibly surreal and really NOT the way I would've imagined it being. but I guess in its unconventionality, it was the tuckerconventional way to go. ;)

the truth is tuck, that outside of this community, I don't know that I'll ever see you again. and this is me being incredibly dramatic I know, but please indulge me because this is how it feels. and life is insane, and sometimes the things you expect happen just not in the way you thought they would. not how you expected them, and when they do they do not mean what you thought they would mean, but are still quite meaningful and poignant. so there are a few things that I should share with you now that I should say to you upon a goodbye such as this, permanent or not.

is that you're delightful. that regardless of anything that I've ever doubted, regardless of anything that you or I have ever done to one another, I have always felt such a fun and comfortable connection with you tuck. that this year we did not spend nearly as much time together as I would've liked but there are three specific instances which I remember, and which I never will forget because they were some of the happiest times of my life. and though they are many - the happy times of my life in my life- each is unique. and the three instances with you were so truly becky tuckeresque- lovely, poetic, inspiring and humble. in that they taught me to feel precious, and small, and big all at once. the walk to le mirage for the very first time (i actually went there today and spoke with the lady there of this day and its magic) and I started talking to you about the whole nate thing and how it had affected me, and how it seemed that -for days- I had been seeking this kind of conversation that would just lift me beyond the daily pettiness of natethought or maurathought or whateverpettycrap thought, and had been completely unable to break these cycles of talk. until our walk. and we spoke of so many things- of the small petty nate stuff, as well as the grand meaning of life stuff,- and I felt as if life had started again for me. a reawakening of the spirit if you will that somehow made sense for me to get from you. not to say that no one else could've done it, but simply that the fact that our conversations had been so rare and so I could tell you everything from scratch, and get something new. something that I needed. and for that I thank you with ferocity. ;)

the fact that you took me apple picking for the first time in my life, and made me feel so young, and so simple, and so adventureous, the fact that we could have these times together, rare but true, has been very important to me. more important than i've been able to articulate. but really tuck, you don't even know.

the time we walked downtown all the way to that random coffeeshop, i don't even know if you'll remember, but that we walked so long and you talked about jaime and I finally felt that I understood you, and that we finally had one of those talks about you and jaime that we used to have last year and how much I'd missed all of it. how much I'd missed being there for you and these thoughts, being your friend in that way, in any way. how sad it made me to have you so nearby and so rarely to share these beautiful moments with you. yet I am grateful. verily so. for this is not about blame, (i hope this is not being construed s any sort of long guilt trip for it is really not, and life is not about shoulds and there's no responsibility here, or if there is it is shared by the two of us.) things just happened the way they did. and I learned my share, as i'm sure you did yours.

the point is that I have created a family here at clark. a very important unit to me. and it's composed of only you three people who read this journal. and you all mean so very much to me. not just because it's the end of the year, and because i'm feeling nostalgic, but because I truly know you and you truly know me as well as I've ever been known or known somebody. and we've shared so much, even if not frequently anymore, and even if never again (though certainly not never again, i don't really believe in nevers) but the other point is that I love you becky tucker, and I loved the honor of knowing you, and I wish you only the best, which is to say only happiness. sooooooo much of it. for you deserve it. and I'll miss you. so very much. and that I already do now that i think about it. and I hope that you don't feel the way I've probably made you feel with this entry that this has to be in any sense the end. it's only the end if we want it to be, and I DO NOT WANT this to be the end. not by any means. I would be tickled thirteen different shades of pink to learn about the new life you will create yourself and how amazing it will be. and I would love nothing more than to see you next year. so, i think that is all I had to say to you tonight.

heart always,
-rena
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dear drew, [12 May 2004|03:03pm]

swtytoothdmdmen
so I just wrote a really long entry response to your comment, and livejournal deleted it and now I want to cry. because it was truly beautiful. but I will try again. it talked of how happy I am that your dad and You think that I'll enjoy wyoming because at this point I need all the encouragement i can get. now that push's come to shove and I have to actually go through with this magical proposal in my head, it's rapidly becoming quite petrifying. yikes. but if even only two people i like and trust have a positive outlook on it, it makes it a bit better. anyway, this is not what I was meaning to talk about.

last night michael, alyssa and I went to the beach. we left here at around eightish and got there at around 9:30-10. the drive up was gorgeous. the beach was in this lovely little town that had the cutest houses, curviest roads, sweetest flowers etc. etc. it made me want to have a family and children just to take them to school there, or to the local flowershop to buy bouquets for their teachers or something. but i digress. (how I always digress.) the beach was even more fully wonderful. it was so dark we had to peer in the blackness to see even two feet away from us. the weather was fanatastic, and we were right under the brightest stars. as in vertically beneath them. I felt like I could almost touch them by hand. I was so convinced that I could, in fact, that I was afraid to try. and so I didn't. instead, we ran like mad on the shore, took pictures, danced, kicked waves up, giggled, screamed, got really wet and sandy, picked seashells, and I even saw a shooting star. a shooting star!!! that's like the third one in my entire life, ever! ahhhhh. and it was just soooooo beautiful. the entire time on the car ride, I had this urge to see if you were with us. knowing full well that you weren't or couldn't even be (because come on, let's face it this was michael's car and you would be riding shotgun. there would be no reason for me to turn my head towards alyssa...) but for some reason I was convinced that you really really should've come. I guess it just started to hit me how much you were gone for the summer, and how we won't see each other for a bit. (other than livejournally that is) maybe i'll learn how to post pictures in this particular lj and post the ones from last night, and the ones from the last few nights of us.

anyway, when we got back I was starving so we stopped by pricechopper and bought seafood salad - a great big container- and michael and I ate the entire thing. no devoured it. tuck had a paper to write and the goodbye to her was quite surreal. she left early this morning. I woke up from the sounds of crazy ra's running around with fake drums and noise screaming out things like :'two more hours, you've got two more hours' and I just wanted them to die. now i'm living with michael. I can hardly believe it. eewww and the worst part ever JAIME HUGGED ME. HARD. he hugged me soooooo much for such a lingering long time. he saw me as i was saying goodbye to alyssa, and came up wishing me the best of luck in wyoming and saying coyly that he 'expected a yellowstone postcard in the mail' almost blissfully unaware of the fact that i don't have his fucking address nor will I look it up!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaack. it was really awkward and weird. you would've hated it. oh well. i guess this year would not have been complete with that one last attempt. last hurrah if you will.

gah, well i've been babbling for hours and my pinkie is starting to hurt from typing. but i wanted to update you. and to convey the utter strangeness that it is being still on campus with everyone sooooo gone.

i am speechless. only minus the whole not speaking thing.
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and then there were two. [12 May 2004|02:56pm]

swtytoothdmdmen
goodbye tuck.
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throw everything in, sort it out later [11 May 2004|04:46pm]

swtytoothdmdmen
[ mood | confuddled ]

so many snapshots. flashes. imagery. dear drew, you are gone now. you have peeled right off of dodd 010. it's strange for me to discover the nakedness of a room be so whole. to understand that the very concept of college revolves around us plastering ourselves onto something that does not belong to us, can never belong to us, but that has belonged to others time and time again, that will belong to others time and time again, that is really quie complete without all the wall decor, without the bedsheets, without the curtains, without the clothes, without the hangers. i should think that something so entrenched with meaning would at least have the decency to fall apart, and disappear once that which has given it meaning, is gone. but no. it's not that the removal does not entail meaning, it's only that the meaning is not so very meaningful.

but none of this makes sense. i know guys, i know. so I will stop speaking in cycles, or making my own head spin. but the long and the short of it is that this feels final. maybe because tucker is suddenly leaving today as well. maybe because i'm not staying in worcester avec michelle for as long as i'd thought i was going to, maybe because i'm going all the way to wyoming, a nowhereland to me.

maybe the reason is not really that important. but drewy, I hope you have a good trip. as relaxing as possible, considering you're driving to pennsylvania in a van for hours upon hours with only your dad and a vanload of stuff. but still. i hope it's a good trip. and I hope your summer is brilliant. you shall be missed terribly even in these few last days.

heart always,
-irena

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