well mes filles, y'all will be down right jealous to hear that i done spoke with ms. becky tucker this fine evening. um, yeah, the whole southern accent thing - it's because of the book i'm reading. i kind of love it, haha. it's so homey and comfy and suga sweet. anyway i was tellin' ms. tucka about a walk i took today and a memory that crept into my mind. you see i've been doing a lot of remembering these days when all i have to do is walk and think and read and write and avoid the horror that is my bedroom. i've been thinkin a lot about this past semester specifically and i thought of a memory that had escaped our "best and worst" session at the farewell dinner, so though i told ms. becky on the phone this fine evening, i thought i'd share it with the rest of y'all now (by the way, i used to say "y'all" back in high school but everyone used to yell at me and make fun of me for it):
after a day spent "studying" in the corner room in tilton hall, and by studying i do mean hanging out with mar by her academic spree day project, playing cards, occationally trying to sift through about 60 or something ridiculous "focus questions" she and i retired to my room to try to either nap or study there for a bit. it slowly crept up on me and quickly hit me like a ton of bricks that i, becky michael, had blown off studying for my final exam. like woah. like way wicked woah. i had not done my usual several nights in advance preparation, nor had i even been able to focus or study much that day. so as mar sat at my computer, i sat on my bed with pages, and i mean PAGES spread out around me and slowly sunk into depression/insanity/hysteria/deliria/zombie mode. i hanging out on that very fine line between tears and hysterical laughter when i received a phone call from someone. or maybe i called them. i can't even remember, that's how far gone i was, but i would assume the call was made to me because i was too far gone to have had the ability to call anyone. in any case, i ended up on the phone, but rather unresponsive, rather stressed out, rather overwhelmed and pessiismistic. i think there may have been another phone call and some urges to go to dinner, to come down and study with others, and finally the suggestion that they come up to me. i didn't really care what happened for i was convinced that my demise was imminent. so there was a knock at the door and it opened and in burst the urchins in full force, all stressed out but a bit taken aback by the fact that i had basically fallen to pieces. in fact, i am pretty sure that i lay among my papers, if not on top of them, body limp, mind numb. ah but the caring, the concern, the reassurance, the love, the laughter at the fact that the unthinkable had happened - i was unprepared (or at least by my standards) for a final and was falling to pieces because of it. someone, believe, even wondered aloud or confessed later to wondering if i had been drugged or was drunk i was so out of character. a laughable thought, but then again the entire situation really was when you think about it. and of course somehow i was convinced to go to dinner and everything worked out in the end. i suppose i love this memory, that it goes down for me as one of the greats, because it reminds me that my friends are my friends through thick and thin and in the thick of it, they'll be there to pick me up and feed me and snap me out of insanity and remind me of who i am and that that person can rise above, well, herself even. yes, that is one memory that i will charish and laugh about for years to come. i love and miss you guys. i have been lucky enough to have spoken with each of you this week and my heart feels full. and empty. and so much more.